IC Inbox (ryslig)
Jun. 7th, 2020 10:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
improvking- GODKING : main handle
- Necrophades : "serious" handle
- understanding : anon/alias (polite persona)
- Fritvælge : for sub-cult business
improvking- GODKING : main handle
- Necrophades : "serious" handle
- understanding : anon/alias (polite persona)
- Fritvælge : for sub-cult business
no subject
Date: 2022-11-11 08:16 am (UTC)But Mana doesn't explain why he wouldn't explain instead of continuing to play along that he had all the usual shades issues... or why Ryou is just lying there either, or why he's talking like this. "Handle him like he is"?? The Ring-Spirit can't keep the concern out of his expression, despite his efforts. ]
I... alright.
[ He doesn't know what to do. ]
...Before we go. Could... would you tell me what happened?
[ He's careful to make sure that his tone is a question, not a demand. If Ryou refuses, he'll let things go for now. He doesn't want to push too hard. Not when everything's so weird. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-11 08:29 am (UTC)[Ryou says it plainly. He can tell the Ring-Spirit's trying to handle him gently. There's absolutely no need for it--not anymore.
Maybe there'd never been a need, and Ryou had tried to change the Ring-Spirit too much, to make him tolerable.
No more. Never again.]
Atem and I aren't...I don't think we're together anymore? H-haha...I think we're done. He can't...be around me. He did some fucked up things to help me, and--and I'm not...
[Ryou swallows hard, struggling to continue. After a moment, he manages.]
I'm cursed to suffer, and make others suffer with me. He gave up a lot. For me. And...n-now, he's tired of it. He got hurt, and hurt others, and I couldn't even use my powers in Felfri so...y'know.
He's done with me.
But you're okay. You always handled me. So...it'll be fine. When you're ready...we can go.
1/3
Date: 2022-11-11 09:15 am (UTC)Ah. Ryou and Atem broke up - again. This time because
The Ring-Spirit is standing very still. Maybe he's trembling a little, but it's not enough to matter, he. is. still. His avian toes curl reflexively, digging into the roof; he can't stop that, shit. ]
2/3 cw: minor self harm, blood
Date: 2022-11-11 09:17 am (UTC)3/3
Date: 2022-11-11 09:18 am (UTC)You're... you're right I won't leave. [ That's what Ryou's saying, right? because that's what the Ring-Spirit's hearing. ] I won't abandon you. You're ḿ̶̙̚y̶̝͇̬̟͐͌̍ ̵͖̪̭̦̉̾̿́f̴̬̙̎͗̂̉a̴̗̮̺̜̅̓m̷̨̡̥̲̂̈͠ĩ̴͙̞l̸͈̲̬͐͑̿y̵̘͆̆͗̊.
[ This is as well as he's prepared to take these developments, Ryou. ]
cw; possession, self-hate, unhealthy codependent thoughts, despair??? do i warn for despair?
Date: 2022-11-12 08:05 am (UTC)Even the fact that he's scratched open a bleeding wound on his head that he doesn't seem to notice is proof positive that...if Ryou just found a way to nestle himself into the Ring-Spirit's heart in a reverse of how they'd always existed...then people would be safe. Before, they weren't safe because the Ring-Spirit had a goal in mind, and he killed and hurt whoever was in his way.
But now...it's an alright trait, all things considered. So, Ryou allows the hug, rather than pushing his partner away. Even hazed in his own inebriation though, he can't help but hug back, and quietly murmur--]
I want to be inside your heart.
[--before going intangible and intending to try exactly that. Hard to remember that he doesn't care for possession that much.
...It doesn't matter. This is nothing but a role reversal, so that Ryou can finally feel as if he's able to be contained safely.
Unfortunately...it means that as soon as Ryou does possess the Ring-Spirit, all of his anguish and self-hatred is going to wash over the other monster, his other self.
It might not be nice...but that's the power of a shared bond. Ryou will nest within the Ring-Spirit, like an itching, painful parasite. Because that's it, isn't it? that's what he is.]
1/?
Date: 2022-11-12 10:25 am (UTC)2/?
Date: 2022-11-12 10:30 am (UTC)I've got you... I've got you...
[ He just hopes that if he's feeling this, it means Ryou isn't, if only for a little while... ]
3/4
Date: 2022-11-12 10:33 am (UTC)So he stands slowly, and walks to the edge of the roof, where he looks out over the city. He turns to usual hunting grounds at first; then decides no, he doesn't feel like chasing prey, he just wants food. The humans in his usual hunting grounds know to run, know that if they made the chase fun enough he might decide to let them go... so he turns elsewhere. He'll go somewhere less complicated. ]
4/4
Date: 2022-11-12 10:40 am (UTC)Before taking off, he pauses to see if Ryou has anything further to add. He wonders absently if they can talk in their minds like they used to, or if Ryou would have to borrow his mouth to speak aloud. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-13 06:23 am (UTC)Sorry...it must be miserable with me like this. I would turn it off if I could. Tried drinking, but...still didn't help.
[The inebriation at least, doesn't seem to spread through their connection in a way that would affect the Ring-Spirit. Ryou just sounds out of it, and there's a bit of drowsiness...but it's not much.
Mostly it's the despair, the self-hate, and also Ryou's hunger, which is legitimate. But regardless, Ryou's full possession skills are only used to speak--they can't share mental thoughts, so it has to be that way.
Otherwise, he stays inside, nestled in his other self's body like a scared, hiding cat.]
no subject
Date: 2022-12-04 04:23 am (UTC)They can't communicate mentally... a pity, though Ryou's silent presence still beats his complete absence. The Ring-Spirit tries to focus on that feeling without letting himself get distracted from actually hunting. ]
Don't worry about it... if you figure out some way to shrug it off onto me enirely for a while, go for it. You could use the break.
[ His voice comes out rough and scratchy as he scans the streets far below, keeping half an eye out for a likely target.
Ryou had been able to steal the Ring-Spirit's emotional pain once before; it really isn't fair shades can take pain but not offload their own. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-12-09 08:34 am (UTC)[Funny, they were just about thinking the same thing. But no, Ryou can't push his pain out completely onto others. It just leeches out, shared and festering. Just like now.]
You have...really good eyes. You really...you're...
[Ryou trails off, and doesn't finish that thought. He releases his control completely on the Ring-Spirit and goes silent after that. What he was going to say, it would have made the spirit angry. And seeing as he's the only one who can be trusted to handle Ryou, then...he doesn't want to chase his last person away.
His loneliness bleeds out unbidden. It's enough to make Ryou cry, but probably not the Ring-Spirit. As long as Ryou stays out of the driver's seat...it'll be fine. They'll be okay.]
[cw: panic attack? I'm pretty sure this is a panic attack]
Date: 2022-12-14 02:30 am (UTC)...Yeah, Harpies have very keen eyesight.
[ That's what Ryou's talking about, right?
Then the swell of sheer loneliness that hits the Ring-Spirit makes him stutter in his flight with a gasp. It doesn't bring tears, no - but it's far too close to what the Ring-Spirit had felt during that period directly after those dice shattered. It calls up an echo of the cold horror he'd felt while he was alone in the dark again, certain his only host was gone, that he'd broken something he needed, something... someone he... wanted to keep... and -
Fuck.
Well, the Ring-Spirit isn't about to cry, but he will be sick if he doesn't land for a sec here. He quickly dives toward another building's roof so he can just. steady himself a bit. catch his breath. Focus on not being sick.
He lands abruptly, hard, catching himself enough to stumble onto hands and (bird) knees. And then he stays like that, wings still spread as he stares unseeingly at the roof's surface, focused solely on breathing.
It's not the most reassuring reaction, ]
no subject
Date: 2022-12-14 03:40 am (UTC)He feels...oh, he doesn't feel good. The Ring-Spirit mustn't either.
Ryou takes over again, breathing deeply for them, and drawing the emotional weight of everything back into himself. It's like he says...it works one way. He can either share his own emotional pain...or take it all back, including that which isn't his to begin with.
He chooses to take it back, to draw it into his heart and let out a shuddering, harsh breath. It hurts...but it might ease the Ring-Spirit's panic.]
I-I'm sorry, I--I should have...not let you feel all that. It must have been awful, right?
I can keep it, I...h-hhhhh!
[Now he's the one feeling panicked and ill, his mind racing. He brings their wings around, encasing their form, hiding it. He doesn't really care too much if anyone sees, they're on a roof. Screw it.]
I didn't mean to hurt you. But it's all I can do, is hurt others.
[Because he's cursed to push his suffering on others, to drive them mad and push them away.]
no subject
Date: 2022-12-14 04:12 am (UTC)No, don't - y-you didn't hurt me, you just, reminded - I mean I remembered -
[ It's very strange to be able to think so dispassionately even while he's stumbling over what to say that could fix this. But right now what matters is emphasizing that none of this is Ryou's fault, and that especially means not bringing up the dice thing again. ]
- I just. remembered, how I'd felt after hurting you, once, and - so it's not your fault. It's not your fault I went and did something to you that I was going to regret, right?
Now just give it back. Please. Please don't do this.
[ He doesn't even have to think about it. The "please"s spill out unbidden.
While the Ring-Spirit's eyes are wide with the panic he can't feel, their breath is only labored if Ryou's still having problems with it. The Ring-Spirit doesn't try to resist their curling up into a feather ball - they probably should have just done that to begin with, huh - he simply focuses on trying to reason with the shade. ]
cw; self deprecation like damn boi. let the ps5 have his emotions back.
Date: 2022-12-14 05:16 am (UTC)It doesn't matter, this is--it's proof. It's proof that the only good thing I can do is take people's hurt and lock it away. And when I'm around people--even you--something about me makes them hurt. S-so, I...I'm made this way.
[He squeezes their eyes shut, almost painfully, and curls up on the ground, hands over his head. Metallic claws prick against their scalp, because Ryou's not used to such rigid claws, but he can't help it.]
If I give it back...it's going to have mine too...
[cw: mention of suicide]
Date: 2022-12-14 06:09 am (UTC)He doesn't mind the way Ryou scrunches their body up or that he's nicking their scalp - the Ring-Spirit still does it himself if he gets too distracted, his talons are awkward, it's not a big deal - he just wishes he could do something, anything, that actually helped.
Ha. Another case of him and Ryou displaying the same problem traits, he supposes. After all, it was his own refusal to back down that had forced Ryou's hand because he wouldn't back down, which meant Ryou shattered his soul, which has proceeded to be the precise cause of their current predicament and... it's all so funny, hilarious even, in a miserable sort of way.
The Ring-Spirit gives a quiet, resigned sigh. ]
It's ok. I already told you, if you could, to put all of it on me. I want to help you, even if it hurts.
[ . . . ]
...You're one of the only things I care about. The only things that make existence worth anything to me.
I know you don't believe me, but you're one of the only good things, good people, I've ever come across. You try so hard... hell, even now, despite how low you already feel, you're trying to help me of all creatures.
I'm poisonous by my very nature... but... I want to help you... please let me try.
cw self-hate all over
Date: 2022-12-14 11:48 am (UTC)H-haha...I don't try hard enough. If I did, then maybe...things would be different.
[He doesn't want to let the Ring-Spirit feel this. He hates that the Ring-Spirit insists on it, because at the end of the day, Ryou won't deny him long. He despises possessing others on a normal day, and only does it with consent. His spirit isn't consenting to it if he doesn't want his emotions taken though.
And that all aside...he's expressing how much he appreciates Ryou for being exactly who he is. Something that, until recently, Ryou thought Atem appreciated him for. He thought Atem saw him...but all he really saw was the ugly part that Ryou couldn't control. The part that Ryou had been blind to see until now.
Nonetheless...the Ring-Spirit wants that pain. So, Ryou releases his pain-sharing, feeding it all back slowly, gradually, until they're both stuck feeling fear, anxiety, and despair.]
I wish you could stop caring about me so much as you do. Your life would be far easier...and maybe you didn't make me happy, but you found a life here...one that isn't just about vengeance, or pain.
How could you want to feel this? I wouldn't. No one would...
no subject
Date: 2022-12-14 01:27 pm (UTC)He shudders, pulling his wings closer around them, and lets out a shaky, breathy laugh of his own. ]
H-hahah... I only found that life because of you. Before you said it, before I realized you were right, that you and I, that we're family - I'd fully intended to go right back to destroying everything as soon as we got home. That's why I finally tried to tell you then, to not let me go home... I finally wanted to not hurt you more than I wanted to hurt everyone else. Finally realized it.
[ The Ring-Spirit doesn't fight to open their eyes, but he does try to smile weakly. ]
This? It's... I know how this feels. It's nothing new. Mine's usually angrier, that's all.
[ He swallows, struggling to fight through their shared misery. ]
I know these feelings, I've felt it all before, for years - thousands of them. And if I can't stop you from feeling it, at least I can ensure you're not alone with it.
crying because this is so old, so sorry...
Date: 2023-02-23 07:55 am (UTC)Maybe...it would be better, if you destroyed everything.
[It's a whisper that nearly dies on their tongue, but Ryou forces it out anyway.]
When we go home, if we ever do...I can't have the same things here. I'll go back, and be no one's best friend.
[Ryou hadn't been upset about that before, but he finds himself feeling particularly hurt about it now, about knowing that his friends didn't want to know his hopes and dreams, like he had listened to theirs. Knowing that his father only reached out now that there wasn't a cursed artifact creating distance between them, but that it would never be the same.
And worst of all, he'd leave part of his heart here, because even if they fought, even if it was over...Atem mattered to him so much that Ryou was sure his heart wouldn't be able to handle such a separation.]
I'm tired, Spirit. I'm tired of...everything.
1/2
Date: 2023-02-27 05:29 am (UTC)So he simply sighs heavily, and hugs their (his?) wings closer around them. ]
...I know.
I know.
[ It's quiet, sad; weary with understanding, and with acceptance. While he still doesn't intend to change his mind about the apocalypse again... he knows where Ryou's coming from, emotionally; and he agrees with him, philosophically.
The Ring-Spirit has no hope to offer, but he is here. Being here might be all he can do, but by fucking hell he's a-gonna. No one can tear him away from Ryou as long as he needs company. And so he sits there for a while in silence. ]
2/2 [cw: mention of cannibalism and vore]
Date: 2023-02-27 05:38 am (UTC)But also that they don't have to, so long as the Ring-Spirit can bear to move; he tests this, stretching a little one way, then a little more another - yeah, given a tad more time, he'll be able to get them there. After, they can collapse again. ]
I could grab us someone from Dyster to eat. That's no effort.
[ What with the Dyster-ites being so... into the idea. Normally that creeps the Ring-Spirit out, but he has to admit it's convenient in certain circumstances. ]
this thread sure is goin places lol
Date: 2023-02-27 08:23 am (UTC)Hard to say. One thing's for certain though--Ryou is marginally less inebriated right now, and the hunger is really starting to creep up on him more. Hence, when the Ring-Spirit mentions Dyster and the neverending supply of food, Ryou can't help but swallow, hard.
Well, that had been the whole point of calling his partner to him anyway, hadn't it?
...Oh, okay, maybe not the whole point, but at least some of it.]
That...yes. That's fine.
[At least it's a step in a semi-positive direction. Ryou's still pretty upset, but...focusing on something else should help.]
I'll...I'll have to stop possessing you when we find someone.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-27 11:43 pm (UTC)When Ryou speaks, the Ring-Spirit hums in response. ]
Mn... alright. You just can step back in when you're done, if you still want to ride.
[ No need to ask again! ]
After that... well, we can decide then. But I do have a room in Dyster - it's underground, dark and quiet - if you want, we can hole up there for however long; I don't mind.
[ The Ring-Spirit gets them up slowly, stretching out stiff muscles as he goes. Once up, he feels for the Dyster key in his pocket and takes a look around; did he land them on a rooftop with a door somewhere? They need a door for the key to work. ]
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