improvking | IC Inbox (ryslig)

[ Then he's down, sitting like a bird with his legs folded up beneath him - and if Ryou doesn't fight it or go intangible, he's getting hugged, tightly. Regardless of hug success, the Ring-Spirit is quite definitively trembling now. Maybe Ryou can be calm, or maybe he already got it out of his system, but the Ring-Spirit has never been good at "calm". He's only doing as well as he is because he's not entirely sure what he's feeling just yet. ]

You're... you're right I won't leave. [ That's what Ryou's saying, right? because that's what the Ring-Spirit's hearing. ] I won't abandon you. You're ḿ̶̙̚y̶̝͇̬̟͐͌̍ ̵͖̪̭̦̉̾̿́f̴̬̙̎͗̂̉a̴̗̮̺̜̅̓m̷̨̡̥̲̂̈͠ĩ̴͙̞l̸͈̲̬͐͑̿y̵̘͆̆͗̊.

[ This is as well as he's prepared to take these developments, Ryou. ]

Edited (formatting) 2022-11-11 09:19 (UTC)

[The Ring-Spirit is the only person Ryou can feel secure from drawing comfort from.

Even the fact that he's scratched open a bleeding wound on his head that he doesn't seem to notice is proof positive that...if Ryou just found a way to nestle himself into the Ring-Spirit's heart in a reverse of how they'd always existed...then people would be safe. Before, they weren't safe because the Ring-Spirit had a goal in mind, and he killed and hurt whoever was in his way.

But now...it's an alright trait, all things considered. So, Ryou allows the hug, rather than pushing his partner away. Even hazed in his own inebriation though, he can't help but hug back, and quietly murmur--]

I want to be inside your heart.

[--before going intangible and intending to try exactly that. Hard to remember that he doesn't care for possession that much.

...It doesn't matter. This is nothing but a role reversal, so that Ryou can finally feel as if he's able to be contained safely.

Unfortunately...it means that as soon as Ryou does possess the Ring-Spirit, all of his anguish and self-hatred is going to wash over the other monster, his other self.

It might not be nice...but that's the power of a shared bond. Ryou will nest within the Ring-Spirit, like an itching, painful parasite. Because that's it, isn't it? that's what he is.]

[ The Ring-Spirit's arms close around himself as Ryou turns intangible and slips inside. He continues to hug himself for a moment, gasping when the wave of despair and self-loathing crashes against his own wall of fury, momentarily knocking him out of the latter. None of it's quite new to the Ring-Spirit, not even the self-directed nature of the hatred. However, he hasn't felt so hopeless in... at least a few months? something like that, he hadn't exactly been tracking his mood. He can also tell these emotions aren't his, not with the way they hit. ]

Edited 2022-11-12 10:26 (UTC)

[ It hurts on another level to know that this is how Ryou feels, that he's ever felt this low. The Ring-Spirit shudders, drawing an unsteady breath. Finally he unwraps his arms from around himself and briefly pats his chest. ]

I've got you... I've got you...

[ He just hopes that if he's feeling this, it means Ryou isn't, if only for a little while... ]

[ Right now the Ring-Spirit wants nothing so much as to curl up inside his wings and hide in a corner. ...But Ryou had said he was hungry, hadn't he? Ryou needs to feed. It's probably "better" somehow, in some abstract way, to keep himself busy rather than dwelling on his newly acquired misery... Ryou, at least, deserves to be distracted, not to simply wallow but with company.

So he stands slowly, and walks to the edge of the roof, where he looks out over the city. He turns to usual hunting grounds at first; then decides no, he doesn't feel like chasing prey, he just wants food. The humans in his usual hunting grounds know to run, know that if they made the chase fun enough he might decide to let them go... so he turns elsewhere. He'll go somewhere less complicated. ]

Edited 2022-11-12 10:41 (UTC)

[ Ryou's within him, he can sense that much. He's not alone in this body anymore. He rests a hand over his heart. They're together again...

Before taking off, he pauses to see if Ryou has anything further to add. He wonders absently if they can talk in their minds like they used to, or if Ryou would have to borrow his mouth to speak aloud. ]

[It's pretty kind of the Ring-Spirit to hope that Ryou isn't feeling it, but there's a brief moment, when he seizes control of the spirit's body long enough to speak, which dispels it.]

Sorry...it must be miserable with me like this. I would turn it off if I could. Tried drinking, but...still didn't help.

[The inebriation at least, doesn't seem to spread through their connection in a way that would affect the Ring-Spirit. Ryou just sounds out of it, and there's a bit of drowsiness...but it's not much.

Mostly it's the despair, the self-hate, and also Ryou's hunger, which is legitimate. But regardless, Ryou's full possession skills are only used to speak--they can't share mental thoughts, so it has to be that way.

Otherwise, he stays inside, nestled in his other self's body like a scared, hiding cat.]

[ Ah, Ryou's still feeling it himself then. That sucks. The Ring-Spirit fights back a sigh, grimacing as he takes flight.

They can't communicate mentally... a pity, though Ryou's silent presence still beats his complete absence. The Ring-Spirit tries to focus on that feeling without letting himself get distracted from actually hunting. ]

Don't worry about it... if you figure out some way to shrug it off onto me enirely for a while, go for it. You could use the break.

[ His voice comes out rough and scratchy as he scans the streets far below, keeping half an eye out for a likely target.

Ryou had been able to steal the Ring-Spirit's emotional pain once before; it really isn't fair shades can take pain but not offload their own. ]

Sorry. It only works the other way.

[Funny, they were just about thinking the same thing. But no, Ryou can't push his pain out completely onto others. It just leeches out, shared and festering. Just like now.]

You have...really good eyes. You really...you're...

[Ryou trails off, and doesn't finish that thought. He releases his control completely on the Ring-Spirit and goes silent after that. What he was going to say, it would have made the spirit angry. And seeing as he's the only one who can be trusted to handle Ryou, then...he doesn't want to chase his last person away.

His loneliness bleeds out unbidden. It's enough to make Ryou cry, but probably not the Ring-Spirit. As long as Ryou stays out of the driver's seat...it'll be fine. They'll be okay.]

[ Hm? The Ring-Spirit isn't sure why Ryou trails off like that. His eyes...? ]

...Yeah, Harpies have very keen eyesight.

[ That's what Ryou's talking about, right?

Then the swell of sheer loneliness that hits the Ring-Spirit makes him stutter in his flight with a gasp. It doesn't bring tears, no - but it's far too close to what the Ring-Spirit had felt during that period directly after those dice shattered. It calls up an echo of the cold horror he'd felt while he was alone in the dark again, certain his only host was gone, that he'd broken something he needed, something... someone he... wanted to keep... and -

Fuck.

Well, the Ring-Spirit isn't about to cry, but he will be sick if he doesn't land for a sec here. He quickly dives toward another building's roof so he can just. steady himself a bit. catch his breath. Focus on not being sick.

He lands abruptly, hard, catching himself enough to stumble onto hands and (bird) knees. And then he stays like that, wings still spread as he stares unseeingly at the roof's surface, focused solely on breathing.

It's not the most reassuring reaction, ]

[Ryou startles a bit, when he realizes that the Ring-Spirit has gotten unsteady in his flight patterns. No, no no...what has he done now?

He feels...oh, he doesn't feel good. The Ring-Spirit mustn't either.

Ryou takes over again, breathing deeply for them, and drawing the emotional weight of everything back into himself. It's like he says...it works one way. He can either share his own emotional pain...or take it all back, including that which isn't his to begin with.

He chooses to take it back, to draw it into his heart and let out a shuddering, harsh breath. It hurts...but it might ease the Ring-Spirit's panic.]

I-I'm sorry, I--I should have...not let you feel all that. It must have been awful, right?

I can keep it, I...h-hhhhh!

[Now he's the one feeling panicked and ill, his mind racing. He brings their wings around, encasing their form, hiding it. He doesn't really care too much if anyone sees, they're on a roof. Screw it.]

I didn't mean to hurt you. But it's all I can do, is hurt others.

[Because he's cursed to push his suffering on others, to drive them mad and push them away.]

[ As the Ring-Spirit's mind clears again, he realizes what Ryou must be doing - and he doesn't panic, because right now he can't do that, but boy he sure would if he still had that ability. Instead, he scratches weakly at his chest, as if he could physically pull the feelings back out of Ryou. ]

No, don't - y-you didn't hurt me, you just, reminded - I mean I remembered -

[ It's very strange to be able to think so dispassionately even while he's stumbling over what to say that could fix this. But right now what matters is emphasizing that none of this is Ryou's fault, and that especially means not bringing up the dice thing again. ]

- I just. remembered, how I'd felt after hurting you, once, and - so it's not your fault. It's not your fault I went and did something to you that I was going to regret, right?

Now just give it back. Please. Please don't do this.

[ He doesn't even have to think about it. The "please"s spill out unbidden.

While the Ring-Spirit's eyes are wide with the panic he can't feel, their breath is only labored if Ryou's still having problems with it. The Ring-Spirit doesn't try to resist their curling up into a feather ball - they probably should have just done that to begin with, huh - he simply focuses on trying to reason with the shade. ]

Edited (minor rephase) 2022-12-14 05:10 (UTC)

[Ryou hears the request, but doesn't give into it.]

It doesn't matter, this is--it's proof. It's proof that the only good thing I can do is take people's hurt and lock it away. And when I'm around people--even you--something about me makes them hurt. S-so, I...I'm made this way.

[He squeezes their eyes shut, almost painfully, and curls up on the ground, hands over his head. Metallic claws prick against their scalp, because Ryou's not used to such rigid claws, but he can't help it.]

If I give it back...it's going to have mine too...

[ The Ring-Spirit can't think of a good counterargument. There probably is one, but the Ring-Spirit's never been good at finding... well, the good in existential issues. What he knows is "burn it, burn it all" and the much more recent, largely unexplored field of "no wait I don't want to burn this part actually and I can't safely torch the rest".

He doesn't mind the way Ryou scrunches their body up or that he's nicking their scalp - the Ring-Spirit still does it himself if he gets too distracted, his talons are awkward, it's not a big deal - he just wishes he could do something, anything, that actually helped.

Ha. Another case of him and Ryou displaying the same problem traits, he supposes. After all, it was his own refusal to back down that had forced Ryou's hand because he wouldn't back down, which meant Ryou shattered his soul, which has proceeded to be the precise cause of their current predicament and... it's all so funny, hilarious even, in a miserable sort of way.

The Ring-Spirit gives a quiet, resigned sigh. ]

It's ok. I already told you, if you could, to put all of it on me. I want to help you, even if it hurts.

[ . . . ]

...You're one of the only things I care about. The only things that make existence worth anything to me.

I know you don't believe me, but you're one of the only good things, good people, I've ever come across. You try so hard... hell, even now, despite how low you already feel, you're trying to help me of all creatures.

I'm poisonous by my very nature... but... I want to help you... please let me try.

Edited (fixing accidental double negative) 2022-12-14 06:18 (UTC)

[Ryou shakes their head slowly, letting out a breathy chuckle.]

H-haha...I don't try hard enough. If I did, then maybe...things would be different.

[He doesn't want to let the Ring-Spirit feel this. He hates that the Ring-Spirit insists on it, because at the end of the day, Ryou won't deny him long. He despises possessing others on a normal day, and only does it with consent. His spirit isn't consenting to it if he doesn't want his emotions taken though.

And that all aside...he's expressing how much he appreciates Ryou for being exactly who he is. Something that, until recently, Ryou thought Atem appreciated him for. He thought Atem saw him...but all he really saw was the ugly part that Ryou couldn't control. The part that Ryou had been blind to see until now.

Nonetheless...the Ring-Spirit wants that pain. So, Ryou releases his pain-sharing, feeding it all back slowly, gradually, until they're both stuck feeling fear, anxiety, and despair.]

I wish you could stop caring about me so much as you do. Your life would be far easier...and maybe you didn't make me happy, but you found a life here...one that isn't just about vengeance, or pain.

How could you want to feel this? I wouldn't. No one would...

[ Fed back slowly like this, the weight is easier to bear. It's certainly less of a shock to the system. None of it's entirely new to the Ring-Spirit, although the specific blending of despair and anxiety is still unpleasantly novel. Typically his anxiety comes tied to hope...

He shudders, pulling his wings closer around them, and lets out a shaky, breathy laugh of his own. ]

H-hahah... I only found that life because of you. Before you said it, before I realized you were right, that you and I, that we're family - I'd fully intended to go right back to destroying everything as soon as we got home. That's why I finally tried to tell you then, to not let me go home... I finally wanted to not hurt you more than I wanted to hurt everyone else. Finally realized it.

[ The Ring-Spirit doesn't fight to open their eyes, but he does try to smile weakly. ]

This? It's... I know how this feels. It's nothing new. Mine's usually angrier, that's all.

[ He swallows, struggling to fight through their shared misery. ]

I know these feelings, I've felt it all before, for years - thousands of them. And if I can't stop you from feeling it, at least I can ensure you're not alone with it.

Edited (clarity) 2022-12-14 15:51 (UTC)

[Ryou lets the Ring-Spirit take full control of their body again, nesting in his partner's heart like the intruder that he is...but selfishly, he's glad to be here. When everything hurts...when you know you're hopeless...it's good to have someone at your side.]

Maybe...it would be better, if you destroyed everything.

[It's a whisper that nearly dies on their tongue, but Ryou forces it out anyway.]

When we go home, if we ever do...I can't have the same things here. I'll go back, and be no one's best friend.

[Ryou hadn't been upset about that before, but he finds himself feeling particularly hurt about it now, about knowing that his friends didn't want to know his hopes and dreams, like he had listened to theirs. Knowing that his father only reached out now that there wasn't a cursed artifact creating distance between them, but that it would never be the same.

And worst of all, he'd leave part of his heart here, because even if they fought, even if it was over...Atem mattered to him so much that Ryou was sure his heart wouldn't be able to handle such a separation.]

I'm tired, Spirit. I'm tired of...everything.

[ As much as the Ring-Spirit wishes he had some sort of hope to offer... he has no idea what would even count. It's not like he doesn't still wish ill on the world after all, he's just trying, selfishly in his mind, to shield specific bits of it.

So he simply sighs heavily, and hugs their (his?) wings closer around them. ]

...I know.

I know.

[ It's quiet, sad; weary with understanding, and with acceptance. While he still doesn't intend to change his mind about the apocalypse again... he knows where Ryou's coming from, emotionally; and he agrees with him, philosophically.

The Ring-Spirit has no hope to offer, but he is here. Being here might be all he can do, but by fucking hell he's a-gonna. No one can tear him away from Ryou as long as he needs company. And so he sits there for a while in silence. ]

[ ...Though, as miserable as they are, he slowly becomes just numb enough to it to note Ryou is hungry. He knows they can't hunt the way they are.

But also that they don't have to, so long as the Ring-Spirit can bear to move; he tests this, stretching a little one way, then a little more another - yeah, given a tad more time, he'll be able to get them there. After, they can collapse again. ]

I could grab us someone from Dyster to eat. That's no effort.

[ What with the Dyster-ites being so... into the idea. Normally that creeps the Ring-Spirit out, but he has to admit it's convenient in certain circumstances. ]

Edited (I forgot the cw,) 2023-02-27 05:39 (UTC)

[The agreement, the sigh...it somehow brings comfort to Ryou. He's not sure if the Ring-Spirit means to, but it still does. The misery doesn't go away, but there is a shift in it, maybe a small amount of acceptance...?

Hard to say. One thing's for certain though--Ryou is marginally less inebriated right now, and the hunger is really starting to creep up on him more. Hence, when the Ring-Spirit mentions Dyster and the neverending supply of food, Ryou can't help but swallow, hard.

Well, that had been the whole point of calling his partner to him anyway, hadn't it?

...Oh, okay, maybe not the whole point, but at least some of it.]

That...yes. That's fine.

[At least it's a step in a semi-positive direction. Ryou's still pretty upset, but...focusing on something else should help.]

I'll...I'll have to stop possessing you when we find someone.

[ Sometimes simply being accepted is more comforting than being reassured. The Ring-Spirit hadn't known what else to do, but he's relieved that he seems to have done something right.

When Ryou speaks, the Ring-Spirit hums in response. ]

Mn... alright. You just can step back in when you're done, if you still want to ride.

[ No need to ask again! ]

After that... well, we can decide then. But I do have a room in Dyster - it's underground, dark and quiet - if you want, we can hole up there for however long; I don't mind.

[ The Ring-Spirit gets them up slowly, stretching out stiff muscles as he goes. Once up, he feels for the Dyster key in his pocket and takes a look around; did he land them on a rooftop with a door somewhere? They need a door for the key to work. ]

[Ryou nods their head, a simple affirmative. He'll let the Ring-Spirit figure it out, but his eyes do flick about momentarily to check for a door, just in case.

Yeah...there's one up here. Honestly a good thing, because Ryou's not sure if they're ready for another flight so soon after a feelings share. At least, he isn't...]

Are you hungry? I can't tell, I can only feel mine.

[Unless he is feeling the Ring-Spirit's hunger as well and just can't parse the difference, but it's hard to tell, if that's the case.]

[ The Ring-Spirit has to think about the question, because he's not sure himself at first - he can feel hunger, but is it his or Ryou's? It only takes a moment for some particular instinct to kick in though, and tell him he won't need to feed for a while still. It's only Ryou's hunger he feels right now. ]

Mm, I'm good. If you need someone to finish what's left I could eat - [ or, wait, is that why Ryou's asking? ] - or, if you don't have to kill to feed, I don't have to finish them off either, uh. ...Why?

[ He notices the door too then, and makes for it, feeling a sense of relief that it might offer an out for an oddly awkward moment (really, considering how heavy the rest of this little jaunt out has been, why is being asked if he's hungry what feels awkward,,) ]

It's not important, I just...

[Ryou trails off, glancing down with their shared eyes once the Ring-Spirit stops at the door. It's probably a distracting motion.

Very much like the distraction of their vocal timbre altering with each back-and-forth. The Ring-Spirit, after all, is just in a facsimile of Ryou's body. That's how it'd always been--Ryou's voice, twisted into something colder, often even crueler.

He doesn't think of it in those kinds of terms much anymore, but there's still a part of him deep down that remembers and fears. Buried deep, so no one can feel it but himself.

All of that is, of course, irrelevant to the reason he'd asked in the first place.]

I wanted to make sure that you know...I could share. That's all. Though, I don't have to kill to feed. It's just harder sometimes. I don't always get it right.

[ The sudden glance down, the reminder he's not alone in this body - it's not nearly as distracting for the Ring-Spirit as it could be. It's more reassuring than anything else; for him, body-sharing is his (old, admittedly) normal, it's being separate that's strange and disquieting. If he notices Ryou's deeply rooted fear, he mistakes it for something else.

He smiles crookedly, hoping to share the comfort he's feeling. When he replies, his voice is still a colder version of Ryou's - but there's also a warmth to it. A different warmth from Ryou's own, something new from the last time they'd shared a body. ]

Don't worry. I'll take care of whatever I need to - whether it's leftovers, or talking down someone sorely disappointed that they weren't eaten~. H-heheheh...

[ If the chuckle sounds a tad unhinged, well - he can only change so much.

He steps into Dyster before either of them can dither in the doorway further. ]

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softspokenlandlord - 2023-03-03 08:50 (UTC) - Expand

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improvking - 2023-03-04 00:46 (UTC) - Expand

IC Inbox (ryslig)

3/3

cw; possession, self-hate, unhealthy codependent thoughts, despair??? do i warn for despair?

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3/4

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[cw: panic attack? I'm pretty sure this is a panic attack]

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cw; self deprecation like damn boi. let the ps5 have his emotions back.

[cw: mention of suicide]

cw self-hate all over

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crying because this is so old, so sorry...

1/2

2/2 [cw: mention of cannibalism and vore]

this thread sure is goin places lol

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